Idiotech! Tech that’s so smart, it’s stupid.

In hundreds of years time, historians will likely look back at the last couple of decades and see it as a golden era of digital technology. From the creation of the internet, to the widespread use of smartphones, there have been some truly world-changing inventions in our time. Unfortunately though, not all inventions are created equal, and the modern day obsession with technology has given rise to some truly daft creations. Here are some of our favourites:

The smart fork

Are you still using an old fashioned, stainless steel fork? Good, because this silly utensil should be nowhere near your cutlery drawer. Apparently the Hapifork, made by Hapilabs, is a bluetooth-enabled eating device that tracks how often you eat, how long it takes you to eat, and how much time has passed in between eating. The idea is that the resulting data will help you change your eating habits, but it doesn’t actually know what you’re eating, which is the most important part of improving your diet. You’re also very likely to freak out your family if you bring this whacky-looking device to the dinner table!

Vacuum shoes

Ever wish your vacuum cleaner could clean up less dirt, and was less practical to use? Us neither, but that didn’t stop engineers at Japanese company Denso from coming up with the surreal Ecology Shoe – a prototype pair of shoes that vacuum as you walk. It works thanks to a small pedal at the heel, which is connected to gears. Every step you take powers the vacuum motor, allowing it to suck up small pieces of debris, one step at a time. The dirt is sucked up into a small dust box no bigger than a matchstick box, so you’ll be emptying it out every dozen steps. Plus, the shoes are incredibly bulky, and are only going to appeal to those of us who like to dress like Beetlejuice on a daily basis. We’ll stick with our trusty Henry Hoover!

The smart belt

The belt has been holding up trousers for 100 years, ever since it first emerged in the 1920’s. Apparently, that function alone wasn’t enough for the folks at Belty, who decided to answer the age-old question: “why can’t my belt charge my phone?”. That’s right – Belty is a leather designer belt with a power bank built into the buckle, so you can charge your phone on the go. It may seem like a novel idea to some, but at the eye watering price of £150, we think we’ll stick to our £20 belt, and just chuck a £15 power bank in our bag!

The bluetooth hair brush

We’ve all been there – you’re brushing your hair in the morning, and there’s a niggling thought in the back of your mind: if only I could see a statistical breakdown of my hair brushing techniques. Well, fear not! Thanks to a collaboration between Withings, Kérastase and L’Oreàl, the Withings Hair Coach is here to answer your follicle data woes. Dubbed as ‘the world’s first-ever smart hairbrush’, this surreal creation features an on-board microphone, accelerometer, gyroscope and conductivity sensors. It uses those to track the way a person brushes, and provides information via an app about hair quality score and effectiveness of brushing habits, along with personalized tips and product recommendations. Fancy making your mornings into a dystopian nightmare? This brush can be yours for just £200!

The smart salt dispenser

As we all know, dispensing salt is the bane of everyone’s life. The anxiety about using too much or too little is enough to make you just give up cooking altogether, right? Obviously not, but apparently the creators of Smalt felt this was a universal problem that their invention could fix. Smalt allows you to add a pinch or exact measurement of salt directly from the dispenser, through the use of it’s companion app. The device also features bluetooth speakers and mood lighting – it’s almost as if the core feature wasn’t useful enough!

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